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36 French Jokes + Translation + Audio

By Mostafa Abedinifard - updated on Oct 23, 2020
woman laughing

Do you get French humour? Here is my selection of 36 fun fall all jokes in French. French jokes + English translation + Audio recording + explanation.

French jokes are a great way to practice your French: not only do they provide a lot of useful vocabulary but they feature the modern spoken French language pronunciation and sentence structure.

Jokes in French are also a door into French culture. In this article, I’ll give you a good sample of French jokes for all audience: kids will enjoy them as much as adults.

There is an healthy mix of jokes, puns and riddles in French with English translation and audio recording.

If needed, I will provide the explanation of the pun as well.

Enjoy, and don’t hesitate to share it with your French teachers or French speaking friends!

1 – French Joke 🎪

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

– “Ecoute”, dit la maman à sa petite fille,
”si tu es sage, tu iras au ciel,
et si tu n’es pas sage, tu iras en enfer.”
– “Et qu’est-ce que je dois faire pour aller au cirque ?”

English translation of the French joke

– “Listen,” says a mom to her little girl, “if you behave yourself [être sage], you’ll go to Heavens, but if you don’t behave, you’ll go to hell.”
– So, what should I do to go to the circus?

2 – French Joke 🍦

Julien demande 10 euros à son père.
– C’est pour quoi faire?
– Pour donner à une vieille dame !
– C’est très bien de vouloir l’aider ! Et où est cette vieille dame?
– Là-bas, elle vend des glaces !

English translation of the French joke

It’s logical

Julien asks for 10 euros from his father.
– What’s this for?
– To give to an old woman!
– It’s great [that you] want to help her! So, where is this old lady?
– Over there. She sells ice cream!

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3 – French Joke 🐴

Pierre raconte une histoire à Paul.
Pierre: Hier, en allant chez ma grand-mere, j’ai vu des chevals.
Paul: Des chevaux !
Pierre: Tais-toi, c’est moi qui raconte.

English translation of the French joke

Pierre is telling a story to Paul.
Pierre: Yesterday, while going to my grandma’s, I saw des chevals [wrong plural form of “cheval”, i.e., horse].
Paul: Des chevaux! [correct form for horses]
Pierre: Shut up, I’m the story-teller here [Literally, “It’s me who recounts/tells/relates…]

4 – French Joke 🥔

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre.
Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie :
– Oh purée !

English translation of the French joke

Here is the story of two potatoes.
One of them is ran over, and the other says:
– Oh purée! [It’s a pun, meaning both “Oh my goodness!” and “Oh, mashed potatoes!”]

Note from Camille: another version of this story is Leyla’s first joke, one that we love in our family. Instead of potatoes, it’s tomatoes, and after it’s been ran over, the Mom says “common Ketchup” – pun on “catch up”….

5 – French Joke

This is one of the most common Kindergarden jokes ever… I am positive ANY French kid has heard it… My mom told it, I told it, Leyla told it to me last year…

Qu’est-ce qui est. petit, rond, vert, et qui monte et qui descend ?
– Un petit pois dans un ascenseur.

What is small, round, green and goes up and down?
– A small green-pea in an elevator.

Do you find it funny? I’m really interested to know your opinion? Please leave a comment below!

6 – French Joke 🎼

À l’opéra.

– Papa, pourquoi le monsieur fait peur à la dame avec son bâton ?
– Il ne veut pas lui faire peur, c’est le chef d’orchestre.
– Alors pourquoi la dame, elle crie?

English translation of the French joke

– Daddy, why is the guy scaring the lady by his stick?
– He is not scaring her; he’s the (orchestra) conductor.
– Then, why is the lady shouting?

7 – French Joke 📺

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

– Je pense qu’il est vrai que la télé peut entraîner de la violence, dit Etienne.
– Qu’est ce qui te fait dire ça ? lui demande son copain.
– Et bien chaque fois que j’allume, mon père me crie dessus !

Translation of the French joke

– I think it’s true that the TV can lead to violence, says Etienne.
– What makes you say that? Asks his friend.
– Well, every time I turn it on, my father shouts at me.

8 – French Joke 🐈

La maîtresse dit à son élève :
– “Jules ! je t’ai dit de dessiner ton animal préféré ! 
Et tu n’as rien fait ! “
Jules répond :
-” Mais si, Madame ! 
J’ai dessiné mon chat noir en pleine nuit !”

Translation of the French joke

Teacher says to his student:
– Jules! I told you to draw your favourite animal, and you have done nothing!
Jules answers:
– But I did, Misses! I have drawn my black cat in a dark night!

9 – French Joke 🍋

Une maman citron dit à ses enfants :
– Pour vivre longtemps, il ne faut jamais être pressé !

A lemon mom says to her children:
– In order to live long, one should never get pressed for time (but also squeezed in French!)

10 – French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

La maman demande à Julie:
– Que fais-tu ?
– Rien !
– Et ton frère ?
– Il m’aide…

Julia’s mother asks her:
– What are you doing?
– Nothing. –
And your brother?
– He’s helping me…

11 – French Joke 🏷

Un enfant va avec son père à l’hôpital pour voir sa mère qui a accouchée. Quand ils arrivent, l’enfant remarque que son petit frère a un bracelet autour de la main.
Le petit dit à son père:
– “Papa! Papa ! Ils ont oublié d’enlever le prix!!!

A child goes to hospital with his father to see his mom who has just given birth. When they arrive, the child notices that his little brother has a strap around his hand.
The small [child] says to his father:
– “Daddy! Daddy! They forgot to take the price tag off!”

12 – French Joke 👶

La maman de Manu vient d’avoir un bébé. Sa cousine, en visite, lui demande :
– Comment s’appelle-t-il?
– On ne sait pas, il ne parle pas encore!

Manu’s mother just had a baby. Her cousin, visiting her, asks:
– What’s his name?
– We don’t know; he doesn’t talk yet!

13 – French Joke 🐓

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Le psychanalyste: Qu’est-ce qui ne va pas avec votre frère ?
La soeur : Il pense qu’il est un poulet.
Le psychanalyste : Et il se comporte comme un poulet depuis quand ?
La soeur : Trois ans maintenant. On serait bien venus plus tôt, mais on avait besoin de ses oeufs…

The psychoanalyst: What’s wrong with your brother?
The sister: He thinks he is a chicken.
The psychoanalyst: And since when has he been behaving like a chicken?
The sister: [It’s been] three years now. We would have liked to come earlier, but we needed the eggs…

14 – Joke in French 🚰

Le maître s’adresse à ses élèves :
– Je vais vous rendre vos devoirs de mathématiques. Il s’agissait d’un problème de robinet qui fuit. Toto, tu n’as rien répondu mais tu as écrit un numéro de téléphone. Pourquoi ?
– C’est celui de mon père, m’sieur, il est plombier…

The teacher to his students:
– I’m going to give you back your math homework. It was a problem about a leaking tap. Toto, you have not responded [to the question] at all, but have written a phone number. Why?
– That’s my dad’s number, sir, he’s a plumber…

15 – Joke in French 🐮

A l’école, l’institutrice s’adresse à Toto...
– À quoi sert le mouton ?
– À nous donner la laine, mademoiselle l’institutrice.
– À quoi sert la poule ?
– À nous donner des oeufs, mademoiselle l’institutrice.
– À quoi sert la vache ?
– À nous donner des devoirs, mademoiselle l’institutrice.

At school, the teacher says to Toto:
– What is a sheep [good] for?
– To give us wool, Miss. [literally, “miss teacher”].
– What is a hen good for?
– To give us eggs, Miss.
– What is a cow for?
– To give us homework, Miss.

(“une vache” is a mild slang word to describe a woman who is strict and tough.)

16 – French Joke 👨‍⚕️

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Une femme va dans une pharmacie, achète pour 300 Euros de produits amaigrissants. Elle demande au pharmacien:
– Vous pensez que je vais perdre combien avec ça ?
Le pharmacien répond alors :
– Ben… 300 Euros.

A woman goes to a pharmacy, and buys some slimming products for 300 Euros. She asks the pharmacist:
– How much do you think I will be losing with this?
The pharmacist responds:
– Well … 300 Euros.

17 – French Joke 🦷

Un homme va chez le dentiste. Il s’installe sur le fauteuil, puis ouvre la bouche :
– Mais, toutes vos dents sont en or! S’exclame le dentiste.
– Oui, justement, je viens vous demander de poser une alarme…

At the dentist…

A man goes to the dentist. He sits on the armchair, [and] then opens his mouth:
– But, your teeth are all made of gold! Exclaims the dentist.
– Yes, precisely, I came here to ask you to install an alarm.

18 – French Joke 🤡

Un clown dit à son médecin :
– Docteur, je me sens drôle …

Clown story

A clown says to his doctor:
– Doctor, I feel funny…

19 – French Joke 🌵

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Un cactus dit à un autre :
– «Connais-tu le langage des hommes, toi ?»
– «Oui» répond l’autre cactus. «C’est facile : ils disent tous “AÏE!”».

A cactus to another [cactus]:
– “Do you know the human language?”
– “Oh, yeah,” answers the other cactus, “It’s simple: they always say ‘Ouch!'”

20 – French Riddle

Où dimanche vient-il avant jeudi ?
– Dans le dictionnaire

Where does Sunday come before Thursday?
– In the dictionary.

30 – French Joke

Deux traducteurs à bord d’un navire conversent.
– «Savez-vous nager?» dit l’un d’entre eux.
– «Non» répond l’autre «mais je peux crier ‘Au secours!’ en neuf langues.»

Two translators are talking aboard a ship.
– “Do you know how to swim?” asks one of the two [literally, ‘says one of them’].
– “No,” answers the other, “but I can shout ‘Help!’ in nine languages.”

31 – French Joke 🍽

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Le client demande au serveur, en consultant la carte:
– Que me recommandez-vous en toute confiance ?
– Un autre restaurant…

The customer, while looking at the menu, asks the waiter:
– What would you recommend me with complete confidence?
– Another restaurant!

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32 – French Joke 🧓🏻

– Quelles-sont les deux plus vieilles lettres de l’alphabet?
– Tu ne sais pas? Eh bien je vais te le dire : A-G

– What are the two oldest letters in alphabet?
– You don’t know? Well, then I’m going to tell you: aged.

Note: this one is lost in translation… A-G sounds just like agées in French, so aged.

33 – French Joke ✈️

– Maman, maman, j’ai vu un zinc!
– D’accord, mais non mon chéri, il vaut mieux dire “avion”.
– Ah, d’accord : “J’avions vu un zinc.”

– Mommy, mommy, j’ai vu un zinc! (“I saw a zinc” [“Zinc” is a slang word for airplane].)
– Ok, but my darling, it’s better to say “avion.” (airplane – sounds like “nous avions”)
– Oh, OK: “J’avions vu un zinc.”

The boy obviously misunderstands his mother and comes up with a grammatically absurd sentence. French parents are often correcting their young kids on French verb tenses…

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34 – French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

La maîtresse demande à Toto:
– Conjugue-moi le verbe savoir à tous les temps.
– Je sais qu’il pleut, je sais qu’il fera beau, je sais qu’il neigeait.

 The teacher asks Toto:
– Conjugate the verb ‘savoir’ (to know) in all tenses.
– I know that it’s raining, I know that it will be nice out, I know that it was snowing. 

The word “temps” refers to verb tenses as well as the weather.

Toto is an important character in French joke culture. Follow this link for French jokes for kids featuring Toto.

35 – French Joke

– Philippe dit à son copain:
– Chaque fois que je me dispute avec Evelyne, c’est simple, elle devient historique!
– Heu… tu veux dire hystérique?
– Non, non, historique! Elle se souvient alors de tout ce que j’ai fait de travers, du jour et de l’heure!

Philipe is telling his friend:
– Every time I argue with Evelyn, she simply becomes historic!
– Oh, you mean hysteric?
– No, no, historic! She remembers all my wrongdoings, [even the very] day and hour!

36 – French Pun 🍎

– Une pomme qui est rouge, jaune, et verte. Comment l’appelle-t-on ?
– On la pèle avec un couteau.

– An apple which is red, yellow, and green, what would we call (appeler) it?
– We peel (pèle) it with a knife!

Note: There is an audible pun at work here.
When spoken, “l’appelle-t-on” [… we call it] could be mistaken for “la pèle-t-on” [… we peel it]).

What do you think? Were most of these French jokes funny or not funny? Please leave a comment to tell me what you thought!

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