36 French Jokes & Translation & Audio Pronunciation 不

Do you get French humour? Here is my selection of 36 fun fall all jokes in French. French jokes + English translation + Audio recording + explanation.

French jokes are a great way to practice your French: not only do they provide a lot of useful vocabulary but they feature the modern spoken French language pronunciation and sentence structure.

Jokes in French are also a door into French culture. In this article, Ill give you a good sample of French jokes for all audience: kids will enjoy them as much as adults.

There is an healthy mix of jokes, puns and riddles in French with English translation and audio recording.

If needed, I will provide the explanation of the pun as well.

Enjoy, and dont hesitate to share it with your French teachers or French speaking friends!

1 French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Ecoute, dit la maman sa petite fille,兩si tu es sage, tu iras au ciel,牠t si tu nes pas sage, tu iras en enfer.
Et quest-ce que je dois faire pour aller au cirque ?

English translation of the French joke

Listen, says a mom to her little girl, if you behave yourself [礙tre sage], youll go to Heavens, but if you dont behave, youll go to hell.
So, what should I do to go to the circus?

2 French Joke

Julien demande 10 euros son p癡re.
Cest pour quoi faire?
Pour donner une vieille dame !
Cest tr癡s bien de vouloir laider ! Et o羅 est cette vieille dame?
L-bas, elle vend des glaces !

English translation of the French joke

Its logical

Julien asks for 10 euros from his father.
Whats this for?
To give to an old woman!
Its great [that you] want to help her! So, where is this old lady?
Over there. She sells ice cream!

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3 French Joke

Pierre raconte une histoire Paul.
Pierre: Hier, en allant chez ma grand-mere, jai vu des chevals.
Paul: Des chevaux !
Pierre: Tais-toi, cest moi qui raconte.

English translation of the French joke

Pierre is telling a story to Paul.
Pierre: Yesterday, while going to my grandmas, I saw des chevals [wrong plural form of cheval, i.e., horse].
Paul: Des chevaux! [correct form for horses]
Pierre: Shut up, Im the story-teller here [Literally, Its me who recounts/tells/relates因

4 French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Cest lhistoire de deux pommes de terre.
Une delles se fait 矇craser et lautre s矇crie :
Oh pur矇e !

English translation of the French joke

Here is the story of two potatoes.
One of them is ran over, and the other says:
Oh pur矇e! [Its a pun, meaning both Oh my goodness! and Oh, mashed potatoes!]

Note from Camille: another version of this story is Leylas first joke, one that we love in our family. Instead of potatoes, its tomatoes, and after its been ran over, the Mom says common Ketchup pun on catch up.

5 French Joke

This is one of the most common Kindergarden jokes ever I am positive ANY French kid has heard it My mom told it, I told it, Leyla told it to me last year

Quest-ce qui est. petit, rond, vert, et qui monte et qui descend ?
Un petit pois dans un ascenseur.

What is small, round, green and goes up and down?
A small green-pea in an elevator.

Do you find it funny? Im really interested to know your opinion? Please leave a comment below!

6 French Joke

lop矇ra.

Papa, pourquoi le monsieur fait peur la dame avec son b璽ton ?
Il ne veut pas lui faire peur, cest le chef dorchestre.
Alors pourquoi la dame, elle crie?

English translation of the French joke

Daddy, why is the guy scaring the lady by his stick?
He is not scaring her; hes the (orchestra) conductor.
Then, why is the lady shouting?

7 French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Je pense quil est vrai que la t矇l矇 peut entra簾ner de la violence, dit Etienne.
Quest ce qui te fait dire 癟a ? lui demande son copain.
Et bien chaque fois que jallume, mon p癡re me crie dessus !

Translation of the French joke

I think its true that the TV can lead to violence, says Etienne.
What makes you say that? Asks his friend.
Well, every time I turn it on, my father shouts at me.

8 French Joke

La ma簾tresse dit son 矇l癡ve :
Jules ! je tai dit de dessiner ton animal pr矇f矇r矇 ! 汞t tu nas rien fait !
Jules r矇pond :
- Mais si, Madame ! 沅ai dessin矇 mon chat noir en pleine nuit !

Translation of the French joke

Teacher says to his student:
Jules! I told you to draw your favourite animal, and you have done nothing!
Jules answers:
But I did, Misses! I have drawn my black cat in a dark night!

9 French Joke

Une maman citron dit ses enfants :
Pour vivre longtemps, il ne faut jamais 礙tre press矇 !

A lemon mom says to her children:
In order to live long, one should never get pressed for time (but also squeezed in French!)

10 French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

La maman demande Julie:
Que fais-tu ?
Rien !
Et ton fr癡re ?
Il maide

Julias mother asks her:
What are you doing?
Nothing.
And your brother?
Hes helping me

11 French Joke

Un enfant va avec son p癡re lh繫pital pour voir sa m癡re qui a accouch矇e. Quand ils arrivent, lenfant remarque que son petit fr癡re a un bracelet autour de la main.
Le petit dit son p癡re:
Papa! Papa ! Ils ont oubli矇 denlever le prix!!!

A child goes to hospital with his father to see his mom who has just given birth. When they arrive, the child notices that his little brother has a strap around his hand.
The small [child] says to his father:
Daddy! Daddy! They forgot to take the price tag off!

12 French Joke

La maman de Manu vient davoir un b矇b矇. Sa cousine, en visite, lui demande :
Comment sappelle-t-il?
On ne sait pas, il ne parle pas encore!

Manus mother just had a baby. Her cousin, visiting her, asks:
Whats his name?
We dont know; he doesnt talk yet!

13 French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Le psychanalyste: Quest-ce qui ne va pas avec votre fr癡re ?
La soeur : Il pense quil est un poulet.
Le psychanalyste : Et il se comporte comme un poulet depuis quand ?
La soeur : Trois ans maintenant. On serait bien venus plus t繫t, mais on avait besoin de ses oeufs

The psychoanalyst: Whats wrong with your brother?
The sister: He thinks he is a chicken.
The psychoanalyst: And since when has he been behaving like a chicken?
The sister: [Its been] three years now. We would have liked to come earlier, but we needed the eggs

14 Joke in French

Le ma簾tre sadresse ses 矇l癡ves :
Je vais vous rendre vos devoirs de math矇matiques. Il sagissait dun probl癡me de robinet qui fuit. Toto, tu nas rien r矇pondu mais tu as 矇crit un num矇ro de t矇l矇phone. Pourquoi ?
Cest celui de mon p癡re, msieur, il est plombier

The teacher to his students:
Im going to give you back your math homework. It was a problem about a leaking tap. Toto, you have not responded [to the question] at all, but have written a phone number. Why?
Thats my dads number, sir, hes a plumber

15 Joke in French

A l矇cole, linstitutrice sadresse Toto...
  quoi sert le mouton ?
nous donner la laine, mademoiselle linstitutrice.
  quoi sert la poule ?
  nous donner des oeufs, mademoiselle linstitutrice.
  quoi sert la vache ?
  nous donner des devoirs, mademoiselle linstitutrice.

At school, the teacher says to Toto:
What is a sheep [good] for?
To give us wool, Miss. [literally, miss teacher].
What is a hen good for?
To give us eggs, Miss.
What is a cow for?
To give us homework, Miss.

(une vache is a mild slang word to describe a woman who is strict and tough.)

16 French Joke 兩儭

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Une femme va dans une pharmacie, ach癡te pour 300 Euros de produits amaigrissants. Elle demande au pharmacien:
Vous pensez que je vais perdre combien avec 癟a ?
Le pharmacien r矇pond alors :
Ben 300 Euros.

A woman goes to a pharmacy, and buys some slimming products for 300 Euros. She asks the pharmacist:
How much do you think I will be losing with this?
The pharmacist responds:
Well 300 Euros.

17 French Joke 朵

Un homme va chez le dentiste. Il sinstalle sur le fauteuil, puis ouvre la bouche :
Mais, toutes vos dents sont en or! Sexclame le dentiste.
Oui, justement, je viens vous demander de poser une alarme

At the dentist

A man goes to the dentist. He sits on the armchair, [and] then opens his mouth:
But, your teeth are all made of gold! Exclaims the dentist.
Yes, precisely, I came here to ask you to install an alarm.

18 French Joke 丑

Un clown dit son m矇decin :
Docteur, je me sens dr繫le

Clown story

A clown says to his doctor:
Doctor, I feel funny

19 French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Un cactus dit un autre :
竄Connais-tu le langage des hommes, toi ?罈
竄Oui罈 r矇pond lautre cactus. 竄Cest facile : ils disent tous AE!罈.

A cactus to another [cactus]:
Do you know the human language?
Oh, yeah, answers the other cactus, Its simple: they always say Ouch!'

20 French Riddle

O羅 dimanche vient-il avant jeudi ?
Dans le dictionnaire

Where does Sunday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.

30 French Joke

Deux traducteurs bord dun navire conversent.
竄Savez-vous nager?罈 dit lun dentre eux.
竄Non罈 r矇pond lautre 竄mais je peux crier Au secours! en neuf langues.罈

Two translators are talking aboard a ship.
Do you know how to swim? asks one of the two [literally, says one of them].
No, answers the other, but I can shout Help! in nine languages.

31 French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

Le client demande au serveur, en consultant la carte:
Que me recommandez-vous en toute confiance ?
Un autre restaurant

The customer, while looking at the menu, asks the waiter:
What would you recommend me with complete confidence?
Another restaurant!

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32 French Joke

Quelles-sont les deux plus vieilles lettres de lalphabet?
Tu ne sais pas? Eh bien je vais te le dire : A-G

What are the two oldest letters in alphabet?
You dont know? Well, then Im going to tell you: aged.

Note: this one is lost in translation A-G sounds just like ag矇es in French, so aged.

33 French Joke 儭

Maman, maman, jai vu un zinc!
Daccord, mais non mon ch矇ri, il vaut mieux dire avion.
Ah, daccord : Javions vu un zinc.

Mommy, mommy, jai vu un zinc! (I saw a zinc [Zinc is a slang word for airplane].)
Ok, but my darling, its better to say avion. (airplane sounds like nous avions)
Oh, OK: Javions vu un zinc.

The boy obviously misunderstands his mother and comes up with a grammatically absurd sentence. French parents are often correcting their young kids on French verb tenses

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34 French Joke

Please press play to hear the audio recording of the jokes in French.

La ma簾tresse demande Toto:
Conjugue-moi le verbe savoir tous les temps.
Je sais quil pleut, je sais quil fera beau, je sais quil neigeait.

 The teacher asks Toto:
Conjugate the verb savoir (to know) in all tenses.
I know that its raining, I know that it will be nice out, I know that it was snowing. 

The word temps refers to verb tenses as well as the weather.

Toto is an important character in French joke culture. Follow this link for French jokes for kids featuring Toto.

35 French Joke

Philippe dit son copain:
Chaque fois que je me dispute avec Evelyne, cest simple, elle devient historique!
Heu tu veux dire hyst矇rique?
Non, non, historique! Elle se souvient alors de tout ce que jai fait de travers, du jour et de lheure!

Philipe is telling his friend:
Every time I argue with Evelyn, she simply becomes historic!
Oh, you mean hysteric?
No, no, historic! She remembers all my wrongdoings, [even the very] day and hour!

36 French Pun

Une pomme qui est rouge, jaune, et verte. Comment lappelle-t-on ?
On la p癡le avec un couteau.

An apple which is red, yellow, and green, what would we call (appeler) it?
We peel (p癡le) it with a knife!

Note: There is an audible pun at work here.
When spoken, lappelle-t-on [ we call it] could be mistaken for la p癡le-t-on [ we peel it]).

What do you think? Were most of these French jokes funny or not funny? Please leave a comment to tell me what you thought!

Mostafa Abedinifard

I am doing my PhD in Comparative Literature at the University of Alberta. In my research I use three languages: Farsi, English, and French. The first is my mother tongue, and the second has been the language of instruction in my studies during the past decade. As for French, I dare to say that my familiarity with Camilles great French audio lessons has been a turning point in my relationship with this language. Thanks Camille!

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